Juliet and Romeo might be the most famous fictional couple to access a secret wedding, but they are certainly not the last to marry in secret.
Of course, one of the most important aspects of marriage is to publicly declare the union of two people, but the actual contracting of the marriage can be performed not only away from the eyes of the general public, but very often, without families and friends participation or knowledge. The idea behind this is that there is always time for more or less public announcements and celebrations on a large scale. Tears will eventually flow, but only after the phone call comes through.
No, I am not talking about the classic Las Vegas quickie wedding or couples with serious family interferences of the likes of the young couple in Shakespeare’s tragedy; rather, of an entirely new phenomenon of global proportions involving planning and premeditation in secrecy. Lately, celebrities seem to be sneaking into register offices and such all around the world and formalise their union. We, the general public, know all about their wedding escapades with a slight delay, but can still access the occasional photo and gossip plentifully about it. Then, we are hit with a rainfall of photos and reportages about the after-secret-wedding party, which usually takes place after the honeymoon and with enough notice to allow (the press), other celebrity friends and family to spruce up.
In the real world, in which the rest of us live, there are technical reasons for a small ceremony first and big celebrations some time after, perhaps geographically very far removed: visas and paperwork, the impossibility to move key guests for health reasons, avoidance of moving 1/2 of the party from one continent to the other etc. Still, a steadily increasing minority of common people are going down the keep it small and keep it secret road too, especially if bride or groom, or both, are no longer first timers. Mainly, when there is baggage in the way, couples have a certain determination to go behind other people’s back and do it alone. The choice might be done to guarantee a very intimate and stress free day or two, but those nearest and dearest need to be very laid-back to let this one go without any upset. Worse case scenario, the news reaches the family before the bride and groom break it to the parents or children.
I have no idea if this trend is just a fashion statement that will soon disappear or is here to stay. It certainly looks like hard work to me, to bite one’s lip, get on with normal life and be organising a wedding ceremony without arousing suspicions, perhaps abroad.
A secret wedding is just another way to approach the start of married life, freeing the formalities and intimacy of the moment from the social and public side of things. My husband and I did something similar, separating our civil ceremony from the big church mass and celebrations in Italy and it worked for us. We chose not to keep it a secret and in spite of that, our parents managed to get all confused as per the time when to send the flowers to the register office and the validity of the marriage certificate… I rest my case!
